When it comes to love, I don’t have a choice. Love just happens. Furthermore, some people are loving and lovable. (These are the good people.) And others are hateful and not lovable. (These are the bad people.) I admit it! These are thoughts I used to have. Back then, I imagined that love was only a noun, an energy, a concept, something you experience with family or a partner.

Later in life, I discovered that love is also a verb. It’s an action called loving. I.N.G. Loving is the action of love. This may sounds simplistic. Like many profound concepts, it is simple. Then why don’t most people practice it more often?! Probably, because though it sounds simple, it is actually not always easy to practice.

During challenges, when we experience challenging thoughts or emotions, it can be quite hard to choose loving. Yet, you and I have a choice, every day, in every situation, with every person, including with our own selves, to choose loving.

8 Step Process for HOW TO PRACTICE LOVING:

  1. You are in upset. The part of you who is able to witness, and who is committed to growth, makes a CHOICE to frame the situation as an opportunity for growth. And she chooses to relate to yourself in a loving way.
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  2. Take a moment to feel the physical sensations of your breath. Or do what ever helps you to come back into your CENTER.
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  3. Assess the situation through the LENS OF LOVE and acceptance. Example: “When Joe spoke to me in a sharp way, I felt angry. If Joe is speaking that way, it means he is NOT in HIS loving nature, which means he is hurting inside. I realize that, in fact, this is not about Joe. Even though it’s tempting to do so, I will not blame him for my upset. This is an opportunity FOR ME TO HEAL MY SELF, my issue that is at the core of my hurt.” Remember: You do not have to like or agree with someone’s behavior or a situation to be understanding and accepting.
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  4. Journal or speak with a trusted mentor or coach to uncover what is truly UNDER the upset. Example: “I initially felt anger. I discovered that under the anger is fear. And that the cause of the fear is an old belief that I must be accepted by everyone in order to be safe.”
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  5. Know that your limiting beliefs are not real. Yes, they have had a place in your history and in your development. But they can be changed. FORGIVE yourself for any judgements you have about yourself, about the belief, about the situation, etc.
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  6. Set an INTENTION that your old belief is in the process of RELEASING and will be replaced by a new belief.
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  7. Try on a different belief that is ALIGNED with what you want. Act as if this belief is true!
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  8. Parts of this process may feel awkward. That’s ok. Life has awkwardness. What ever your experience of the process is, if you are exploring ways to love yourself more fully, if you are taking time to focus on your own growth, you are HEADING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION!

with respect and loving,

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