July. New month. Summer has fully arrived. My birthday month.
On July 19, I will be 60 years old. This birthday feels like a BIG one. Profound changes are alchemizing within me. I feel excited!
And anxious. Deep within me, almost out of reach, I feel super anxious.
Anxiety can occur when a person fears that something bad is going to happen. It is a non-medical term that refers to a feeling of fear or worry that often relates to a particular issue or concern.
I don’t look anxious. I don’t sound anxious. How do I know that I’m SUPER anxious??
3 actions that shout, “Hey, you are anxious!” that I experienced over the weekend:
Truth Bomb #1: First, I indulged in BLAMING. . . . As a birthday gift, I participated in BOLD, a workshop with @shilohsophia and @amyahlerscoaching for women entrepreneurs. During the morning session, I felt happy and creative. In the afternoon, I struggled with articulating myself. I felt rushed and up in my head, which caused feelings of disappointment. I blamed the facilitators! Me, who has taught a zillion workshops, and who prides herself in taking full responsibility. (The facilitators were wonderfully sincere, creative, insightful and skillful, by the way.)
Truth Bomb #2: Second, l BINGED on ice cream, chips, wine and Netflix. This is code language for Fuck It, I’m Self-Soothing. And I Don’t Give A Shit About The Long Term Costs. (It took me five minutes to type in the word wine. I felt so embarrassed to admit this. But that embarrassment was nothing compared to . . . )
Truth Bomb #3: Third, I PULLED MY HAIR out. No, not metaphorically. I actually pulled strains of hair out of my head. I have Trichotilomania. Also known as Hair Pulling Disorder. For me, feeling anxious can trigger hair pulling. I’ve had Trich since I was a girl. (I SO believe in the power of vulnerability that I am willing to share what, for years, was a shameful secret.) (Thank you, @brenebrown!)
“Trichotillomania is a disorder that affects 1-2% of the population, a majority of them female. The main feature is the recurrent compulsion to pull out one’s hair. . . . Many people who struggle with trichotillomania, or compulsive hair pulling, associate hair pulling with anxiety.”
(Psychology Today, June, 29, 2017)
Many of my clients, friends and family suffer from feeling anxious. I have suffered from it all of my life. And I have learned ways to live with anxiety. Mostly, in fairly healthy ways. And once in a while, like last weekend, in not so healthy ways.
If you suffer from anxiety,
I offer you this article,
so that you know you are not alone.
It’s not easy to be a sensitive soul living in our world. Yes, there are times of pleasure, calm, tenderness, beauty, fun, joy, even ecstasy. And there are times of struggle, fear, limiting beliefs, dark nights of the soul.
Sisters, we must learn to stop pretending to be perfect.
We must learn to be brave enough to look into our depths. To be vulnerable and authentic. To hang out in the not knowing. To trust that we are worthy and wonderful JUST AS WE ARE.
Life is messy and oh so beautiful.
At almost 60, I know that my sensitivity and anxiety have given me a deep compassion for others. Without this, I would not be the coach or friend or mother that I am today.
Yes, I am heading into a new decade and into a new phase of life. Part of me is scared. I don’t fully understand why. Not yet anyway.
Even still, I’m saying yes to being a wise woman.
So here and now, I invite you to join me in my practice of living love. Together, let’s declare these affirmative statements.
I forgive myself for judging myself.
I love and accept myself as I am.
I am a wise hearted woman.
Together, let’s endeavor to
appreciate ourselves,
treat ourselves with kindness,
see that our needs are met, as much as possible,
stay open to possibilities,
continue to re-create ourselves and our lives,
get the support we need.
It would be an honor to support you personally. Reach out to me, if you are in need of support.
Sending you love from my brave heart to yours,
